Latin For All Occasions

Latin for All Occasions (1990) – Henry Beard
HarperCollinsPublishers | ISBN: 9780002559416
Condition: Good | Sold by Crappy Old Books

Latin. The magnificent language of ancient Rome, medieval scholarship, solemn religious ceremonies and people who wish to make perfectly ordinary observations sound as though they have been personally endorsed by Julius Caesar. For centuries, it has been the language of emperors, philosophers, lawyers and distinguished academics, all united by the reassuring knowledge that very few members of the general public could understand what they were talking about.

Unfortunately, Henry Beard has decided to put this extraordinary linguistic heritage to rather less dignified use.

Welcome to Latin for All Occasions, a gloriously ridiculous phrasebook designed for those moments when ordinary English simply lacks the pomp, authority and unnecessary grammatical complication required to express life’s most important observations.

Most language guides provide useful phrases for ordering dinner, asking directions or explaining that your luggage has disappeared somewhere between Heathrow and Rome. Beard, however, recognises that the discerning modern individual requires something altogether more sophisticated.

Why complain about everyday irritations in plain English when you can deliver the same sentiment in the language of Cicero, Seneca and several generations of thoroughly unpleasant Roman emperors?

The possibilities are magnificent.

An annoying colleague can be addressed with the solemn dignity of a Roman senator. An awkward social encounter becomes an opportunity for classical rhetoric. Even the most trivial domestic inconvenience can acquire the grandeur of an imperial proclamation, provided the recipient does not happen to understand Latin and ask you to explain yourself.

Beard’s humour depends upon the splendid collision between ancient linguistic formality and the absurdities of modern existence. The greater the contrast between the majestic language and the ridiculous situation, the more entertaining the result.

There is something irresistibly funny about dressing up contemporary frustrations in the vocabulary of antiquity. The Romans, after all, constructed aqueducts, conquered enormous territories and established a legal tradition that still influences modern civilisation. One suspects they would have been delighted to discover that their language could eventually be employed to discuss the everyday foolishness of the twentieth century.

Or perhaps they would have invaded again.

Henry Beard, a founding editor of National Lampoon and a master of intellectual absurdity, brings his characteristic wit to a subject normally associated with stern schoolmasters, irregular verbs and the terrifying possibility of being asked to decline a noun in front of the entire class.

Unlike conventional Latin textbooks, which frequently begin by informing the student that learning a dead language is a character-building experience, this volume treats classical scholarship as an opportunity for mischief.

The result is an entertaining mixture of linguistic parody, mock erudition and wonderfully unnecessary sophistication.

Published in 1990, Latin for All Occasions makes an excellent gift for classicists, Latin students, teachers, amateur historians and anyone who enjoys appearing extraordinarily well educated while saying something profoundly silly.

This 1990 HarperCollinsPublishers edition, offered in Good condition by Crappy Old Books, is a delightful addition to any collection of humorous literature, language books or scholarly nonsense.

A splendid reminder that Latin may no longer be the everyday language of a great empire, but it remains perfectly capable of making an ordinary fool sound like a very distinguished one.

Because anybody can insult somebody in English.

But doing so in Latin suggests breeding, education and a thoroughly expensive schooling.

Veni, vidi, cachinnavi.

I came, I saw, I laughed.

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